When you hear the word “home,” what do you think of? If you are like many of us in science careers, while your house or apartment is officially designated as home, that desk in the lab or office feels mighty comfortable. In actuality, you have a work home and a “rest of your life” home—and one sign of a healthy career is that you know how to distinguish the two. How is it that you de-stress and keep your life balanced between work and home?

A generational and cultural divide
There may be a certain generational theme in the background, and whenever I get out of balance in my life I can trace it back to my father. I would paraphrase Dad’s advice in this way: “The time you spend working for your company and your boss simply shows others how much you care for your family and that you’re willing to put it all on the line to protect them. Doing well in your job by putting out the effort just proves that you’re a concerned, family man.”

At the time I started my career, the term “family man” was much like the “salarymen” of Tokyo, Japan. The salarymen, who leave for work at 6:30 AM and who come back on the train at 10 PM are well-known examples of the workaholic approach. They give it all to their companies, including their physical and mental health, while missing out on the deep relationships that should develop with their family.

It’s quite possible that your CEO in the corner office is a person of my generation, a man or woman who believes that only by investing untold hours of labor into your work can you truly be effective. I’m here to tell you that a lot of people are proving daily that this doesn’t need to be the case.

Do workplace niceties improve work/life balance?
Some employers today have taken the approach of enlivening the workday with company paid snacks, neck massages, and gyms. While that sounds like a great tool for the recruitment process, it may be providing only lip service to the work/life balance question. These things are often done to enable those who would work long hours at their desks. Yes, free Oreos and a glass of milk sounds great, but does it do anything, really, for someone’s problem with work/life balance? Not at all.

Scientists have been putting in these long hours for decades, and the truly enlightened organization finds a way to change those habits—not by offering free Starbucks, but by establishing a culture where management has a different view entirely of work hours and effectiveness.

I know a manager who is a complete whiz at getting high output from her scientists. While making reference calls on her for a client recruitment, I found that previous supervisors couldn’t stop talking about her ability to get people to perform. What’s her secret? I wondered that as well, so I went beyond the normal reference and spoke to people who had reported to her.

Susan (not her real name) was repeatedly referred to as “a tough boss, but one who cares about me.” Digging deeper, I found it had nothing to do with the time clock. Being a “tough boss,” she insisted that people learn to focus, and when they were present in the lab, it was work. But when the end of the workday rolled around, Susan would make sure that people knew that’s where her expectations ended. “She cared about my life outside the job,” one scientist related. “She was the sort of boss who I could talk to about issues with my kids, and I could always count on being able to attend my daughter’s recital. As a result, I always gave my work in the lab 100%.”

There are bosses out there just like Susan. If you feel the pressure, you need to go find one right now, because life is short. You’ll only have so many opportunities to enjoy a day of fishing on a beautiful, clear trout stream, or take that cruise that you and your spouse have always wanted to experience.

A range of individualized approaches
One friend of mine, Dr. Jon Hellin, is a leading scientist in his niche. Jon travels the world working with global organizations in food and agriculture. For him, it’s the outdoors that works to balance the intensity of his job in international development. He recently described the icy summit of Mt. Toubkal in Southwest Morocco, which he had visited for two days of therapeutic hiking following the United Nations Climate Change Conference in Marrakech.

Jon told me, “I don’t claim to have found the right work/life balance but I do strive to maintain a healthy mix. Running and hiking play a very important part in my life. I run several times a week, preferably in the early mornings before work.” Jon lives in Mexico, a country that is blessed with stunning mountains; he’s found that the setting is a perfect retreat for a few hours or an entire weekend.

Another scientist, much more junior, told me about her efforts to get more done during the workday in order to save time for family and friends. “The ability to be well rounded in my life seems to gravitate around whether or not I have actually been effective during my work hours. I’ve had to learn to focus. I’ve removed distractions like the Internet, I keep my brain stimulated with ideas that are entirely about work related topics. I work in science, so there’s no shortage of great ideas popping all around me. If I focus on my work and get it done in 8 hours, than I am free to spend the rest of the day in any way that I please,” she told me.

In my case, I like to work in spurts of great intensity, where I will work all-out for several weeks at a time to get that work accomplished. My wife knows that when that office door opens and I come out, we are going to take personal time to decompress. We might get on a plane and take a trip to a location we’ve always wanted to see, tour a winery, or just get out of the office and head to a film festival.

Not all employers manage work/life balance in the same ways
Believe me, work/life balance is a topic that more and more companies are addressing, because later generations—Millennials in particular—value it so highly. And it’s up to you to find that scenario that works best for your work style and the need we all have to balance our work with outside activities and family.

But should you ask your prospective boss in an interview how he or she feels about the subject? That can be done, but it must be phrased correctly. I learned long ago that asking “How much vacation time will I get” is not the right approach; it sends the wrong signals. But perhaps an easy rephrase, like “Tell me about how your successful scientists manage their work/life balance” could help you see the difference between one employer and another.

Jon Hellin reminded me of a great quote from the Scottish-American naturalist John Muir, who wrote: “Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out that going to the mountains is going home; that wildness is a necessity.”

Muir’s reverence for the outdoors may not resonate with everyone, but the larger sentiment probably does. So get out there and find your wilderness, whatever it may be.